I was not ready....

I figure I might share a couple stories that would deter any human that doesn't have possibly sanity issues. These both involve peppers.... one known pepper and the other one unknown. One had a great flavour and the other one wasn't that great, but I am making sure that I will be able to eat them someday!

1. Believe the hype - the habanero is hot: My friend, Tara, gave me a cookbook that was centered around the habanero pepper. At one point, that's all I could talk about regardless of ever having the nerve to try. This was right when my love of hot foods was burgeoning. It became more of a joke just b/c it wasn't a popular pepper about ten years ago down in Southern California. So she gave me this book filled with awesomeness; little did I know that it also contained one of the most horrible pains I have ever dealt with.

At the apartment that I shared with Spencer, Tara's future husband...they didn't know it at the time, I decided that I would finally make something from this cookbook. Up until that point, I had just stared at a few of the items in there and read and re-read the warnings. Kid you not, the book told me to wear gloves and, if I was using dried habanero's, to wear a mask SO THAT I WOULD NOT BE OVERWHELMED BY THE FUMES!!! Being a man, I figured I would forgo the gloves and cut the fresh habanero's by hand for the salsa. After getting all the ingredients together and letting them settle for the 2 or 3 hours the recipe called for I went to wash my hands. Now, I didn't just wash my hands once... nor did I run water over them and not use soap. I washed my hands at least two times; maybe more, but my memory is fuzzy. During the three hour wait I sat on the computer browsing the internet and otherwise getting ready for my first salsa. For whatever reason, I decided to rub my eye.... and found the one piece of habanero that was spiteful enough to find it's way into my eye. It wasn't brief. It didn't build up slowly in my eye socket. It was intense. It hurt. And it spread. In my blindness, I ran to bathroom to attempt to remove the pepper from my eye and that just made it worse. I'm assuming that by running water into my eye it made it spread down my face. I can imagine that's probably what it's like to hold a lighter to the interior of your nostril and let it run for a day. I aged 10 years that day, but God gave me superhuman sight for surviving. It was a good trade-off. The salsa was also pretty good too.

2. Blazin' means Blazin' and that's all Blazin' Means - Buffalo Wild Wings has a contest that you have to eat 9 or 12 of their hottest wings in 3 minutes just for the chance to purchase a shirt, and to get a picture of the life seeping out of you posted on their wall of death. I may be stupid, but I'm not stupid enough to go into a challenge of that magnitude blind. Leah and I had lunch at BWW while we were having a Cucamonga date day. Leah doesn't like BWW, but she endures for the sake of her husbands insanity(you're not insane if you call yourself insane, right?). I got my regular HOT wings so I could enjoy the serenity that we were blessed with that day. But, to go, I got 5 of their Blazin' wings for later in the day. We finished up our trip, picked up dinner, and went home. I didn't have a clue that in the trunk of the car was a small box of wings dipped in the Lake of Fire. And I'm not joking! I firmly believe that they have a porthole in each restaurant where they send a few wings into Hades for a quick dip... possibly to torture the unrepentant, and back up to living. They are worthy of being a snack at church during a fire and brimstone sermon. If the sermon doesn't get you, a few of these will be heading you to your destination shortly.

Back to it, we were watching some TV and I decided that I wanted to see what the afterlife had in store for me. I pulled out on of the wings... boneless for ease... and heated it up in the microwave. There was no need to be fancy. This wasn't a traditional dinner item and didn't deserve the oven. I could feel the wing staring up at me from it's quickly heated state just daring me to eat it. Not being one to back down from a taunting wing, I took a medium sized bite. The taste wasn't that bad.. but not as good as their HOT wing sauce. It was more earthy, and didn't seem that hot. Maybe just a slight burning sensation to say, "Oh Hai, get ready! K Thnx Bai" But there was no "Bai" happening. I finished off the wing in the next bite or two.... and that's when it happened. The temperature continued to rise, and rise quickly. It's very hard to explain it, but I believe that if I had been outside I could have started a brush fire just by breathing out. It was hellish..... and all that for something that didn't taste that good! After half a gallon of milk, and 45 minutes later, the pain went down to a reasonable level. Usually milk helps, but this heat just laughed it off and turned it up to 11. As always, stupidity remains, and next time I'm at BWW I'm getting their Wild sauce and trying that one out. It's one step below Blazin'.

I'm going to end it at that point... my eye is bleeding just by writing up about that habanero. I don't believe it's over it yet.

-D

I do burn burn burn... I do burn burn

Note to the three people that read this: Read the post below before reading this one, otherwise you're just missing the start of a long story... maybe good *shrug*

Continued: Enter in the SCOVILLE! It's a unit to measure the ability for a certain type of pepper to destroy all which God has made good. It may also be a way to tell how hot a pepper is going to be. For me, it's about as close to skydiving, motorcycle riding, bungee jumping, and bear hunting as I'm going to get. Back to the scoville, you'll get a lot of technical information from the above link to how one might progress through the extensive pepper family. Pepper Spray, or mace, is made from capsaicin or the hot stuff in that pepper. Rub a jalapeno in your eye and see what it feels like.... then imagine that in your lungs, in your eyes, on your forehead, up your nose, and everywhere else it's not supposed to be. Doesn't sound fun? Fun Fact: I have an average scoville rating of 9500!

Back to how this affects me.... it all adds up to really enjoying the heat, but wanting to feel like I accomplish something while eating. I blame video games and the addition of trophies and points. It's a way to be competitive when it doesn't matter. =\ The heat is the exact same thing, but you have the enjoyment of eating to go with it. My scoville rating may be up there, but it's low when it comes to what's out there.

Let's say that it hasn't always gone well. I've been giving more reason to hate the pepper than love the pepper. It's done me wrong often enough. We'll save that for a more interesting post!

-D

The Burn - or how I learned to love the Heat!

Some time after high school I learned that I love buffalo wings, and that turned into a desire for spicier foods. The problem was, it started with one of the most disgusting hot wings known to man! Denny's used to, and probably still does, serve chicken fingers covered in a buffalo sauce that was birthed in bowels of some nether creature. And how one could love such an abomination is still unknown to me. But it lit a fire in me... crappy unintentional pun there.

In the last few months I've wanted to take my insatiable hunger for all things buffalo(the wing sauce, not the buffalo my ancestors used to feast upon) to another level. It might be because I've taken a liking to Man vs. Food, but I like the idea of enjoying the hotter things in life without crying, frying, and dying.... in that order.

I should probably explain "the burn" - It's the retention of heat from the spicy food you're eating. Mild salsa, Bell Peppers, or other Sweet Chilies don't provide much burn. You get some good flavour, but it's not what you'd expect. However, when you move to some medium salsa's or seeded jalepeno's you'll find yourself with a mild, mild burn left over if you've had enough. What I'm looking to hone is the ability to eat death... raw, inhuman... and be able to enjoy it and be satisfied. That's where the "other" peppers come in! The non-seeded Jalepeno's in green and red, the sassy Serrano, the sweet but SPICy Habanero, the bloody Scotch Bonnet, and the Ghost Pepper(Bhut Jolokia - make fun of it's name and it'll come to your house, melt your tongue, and belittle your significant other)!

To be continued.....I'm long winded and incredibly hungry

DesertHelpWanted - We Really Don't Like You!

If you live out in the desert and you happen to turn the radio on occasionally then you've probably heard at least one of the deserthelpwanted.com radio ads. If you have, then I have a question. Am I the only one that believes these people have the worst possible belief in humanity? Somehow they believe that name-calling and other degrading comments, infidelity, laziness, and going poor are great ways to make people go out and get a job! And by going poor... I mean condoning the behaviour. That ad has a woman telling another woman about DHW. The woman being told has a husband that hasn't worked in the last couple weeks and she's rather NOT HAVE HIM GET A JOB b/c he is doing everything for her. I'm just surprised that they can get business with very poor advertising.

I do have an idea for their next commercial -

"Have you heard of Desert Help Wanted.com - you can get a job for your deadbeat son!"

"But if he has a job, who's going to do all those drugs, and kill cats in the neighborhood?"

or

"Hey, here at Desert Help Wanted.com we really don't like you!"

-D

Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, and God's love of Spice

I shouldn't have so many favourite things. I feel like Steve Martin in the Jerk. "I don't need anything!!.... but this jar of pickles.... I don't need anything else... but this Hofner bass..." It's good to have hobbies(if you can include eating pickles as one of those). Back to it, when we were up in Rancho Cucamonga we came across a pickle brand that I've never tried. It's McClure's Pickles and they're way too expensive, but very good. The only type they had were the Spicy flavour, but they have to be the spiciest spicy pickle that I've purchased.

Through thorough pickle shopping I've found that most pickles labeled spicy have to be sweet as well. While the corporate know-it-all's believe that's the only way someone would buy a spicy pickle they've missed an entire market of insane pickle consumers(yes, double meaning... buy consumer and eat consume.. eh eh? *sigh*). While pickles are one of the best side foods that God has ever allowed man to create they should not be paired up with anything sweet. By making them sweet you now have a Dessert pickle and no one wants a dessert pickle... if you do then you are no better than Hitler. BUT, that's the only way you can get a hot pickle!!! Wickle's Pickles, Famous Dave's Hot(but Sweet for the masses) Pickles, and some pickle jar we left in Texas that we got from Gruene, TX.

God heard my prayers though, and sent a message down to McClure's to stop goofing around and mass market your pickle recipe. Fortunately, they listened and are now being stocked at Williams-Sonoma for the sum of a small purebreed animal. Since I didn't want to take responsibility for buying a potentially horrible pickle(well, only sweet truly fall into this category) Leah bought some while she was out Macy's shopping(run by sweet pickle eaters). Had to wait till we got back in the desert to try them, but it was worth the wait! When you open the bottle for the first time, they have stuffed the top of the jar with the heads of lesser pickles; like a trophy wall to say "Hey, we're so awesome that even the pickles that don't pass our standards we remove the good parts and present them to you as a prize". That, or they're in there so you can try a small bite of pickle before diving into the greatness of spears. So I had one of those and was very impressed with the nice burn provided by these pickles! It's the hottest pickle that I've ever had - and that's a good thing! After consuming the trophy pickles, I noticed that a habanero was floating around in the brine. Yay for giving us a clue as to where the heat comes from! When I'm done with these pickles I'll see if I can stomach that habanero... If I don't write on my blog again, the habanero won.

Well... would have written about my Bass guitar infatuation, but the pickles took over.... I'll save that for later.

-D

P.S. - I give it seven out of ten fermented cucumbers... Bubbie's are still the best for the money.

Never Forget.... for a few reasons

A lot has happened since 9/11/01. We should make sure that we do not forget the tragedy of that day, but there are a few other things to remember as well:

1. 9/11 itself - I still remember sleeping in that morning even though my folks tried to wake me up(yes, I was 21 and living at home) early to check out the news. When I finally woke up it was right after the first building fell. It's still surreal to even think of something like that happening. The feelings run much deeper than just seeing two incredibly large buildings fall into rubble. It's the lives that were lost, the lives that were saved, the courage of the rescuers, the fear, and the aftermath. It's a terrible thing that we lost our resolve and unity so quickly. I hope that as time goes forward that we can FINISH the memorials to those that lost/gave their lives that day. We should show those that would wish to harm us, and those that do succeed, that we do not lay down and allow it to happen. The war will do it's own thing, but rebuilding is another key to showing an unshakable resolve. If I have children, I want to be able to take them to the Pentagon, the WTC site, and Flight 93. I want them to be able to see and feel the tragedy, but ultimately the greatness of the nation they live in. It'll be hard to show someone something that they didn't go through personally, but can be done.

2. 9/11 Nephew - On the same day that the towers fell, my nephew was being delivered. Josh has the distinction of having the same exact date as a birthday. We can see that not everything that happened that day was for destruction. He's a good kid living with his family out in Louisiana. He's got that good ol' boy quality to him... loves doing roping, fishing, hunting, and other non-coast state boy stuff. Josh also has Asperger's Syndrome. And while it's a difficult situation to go through for both Josh and family, it can be a strength or testimony in one's life. I pray that he has a strong upbringing, and that what he goes through will only guide him better. So, Missy, you'll have a road ahead of you, but if you rely on God it'll come together just how it's supposed to.

3. 9/11/04 - It has now been five years since the wife and I got married. It's pretty amazing how time flies by so fast. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. When you look back on the last few years there has definitely been enough to fill that time, but it's easy to remember that time we spent preparing and getting married back in Texas. Yes, two Texans living in California went back to Texas to have a Texas marriage license. =) We also were able to get married in the town that I grew up in, and her Mom lives in. You just can't beat that(maybe beat isn't the word to use in a marriage.... don't tell her dad, he'll take it the wrong way). So we're still enjoying our life together, and I couldn't imagine it not being the way it is. I would also still marry her even after these five years... it's been that good!

-D

Random Thoughts

Well, I don't have anything too long to write about except some current personal/professional events that shouldn't be talked about on a public blog. I'll just say that it's one of the more frustrating items that I've ever had to deal with. Let's get on to the fun items!.

1. Thinkgeek.com - One of the better geek-ware websites out there. It's been around for a long while. I've been frequenting their website since they started up in 1999. They've since grown into a powerhouse of geekdom. I do miss that they do not do as many caffeine samplers as they used to, but they do have more products to choose from. Some of their toys may be overpriced from what you can get at another online retailer, but their geek shirts can't be beat. PEBKAC!!

2. Summertime - Since I wake up semi-early I've noticed that the sun is no longer up. I'll have to start using the lights in the bathroom when I'm showering pretty soon(yes, I clean up fine!). One of the nice things about Summer coming to a close is the nice mornings, days, and evenings here in the desert. It makes it worth going through the summers to have such nice fall, winter, and most of spring. I won't miss the 115 weather, and I'll probably forget what it was like for three months even though I've been here for 20+ years.

3. Glee & SYTYCD - One of the best shows of the last five years and a show that could possibly be a great show are starting up soon. If you missed the pilot episode of Glee you can watch it online for free. I would recommend it to anyone! Also, So You Think You Can Dance is the best dance show out there. It's better than Dancing with the Stars and the Dance Crew show on MTV. The dancers are all excellent and the choreography is usually a hit. On SYTYCD, they really need to think about calming down Mary Murphy. She's very intelligent when it comes to grading how well a couple dances, but I can't stand the screaming! I do believe the judges end up with favourites when they should be as impartial as possible. Too often they praise those that they love and try to shift those watching to vote for them. Don't get me wrong, they have good tastes, but sometimes they need to let go of the guy that America votes into the bottom for three weeks in a row.

Glee on the other hand is a show about a Glee Club. I guess you'll be getting a decent amount of dancing, but it's far from being professional. And who can resist 70s and 80s numbers being done by a group of "high school" students. I do hope that this does better than Arrested Development and gets a following. Glee has that feel of something more sophisticated than a lot of comedies out there. Usually that kind of humor doesn't work for ratings, but we'll see!

Alright, time to eat!

-D